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Tuesday 11 December 2007

Can this paragraph be saved?

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NPR writer Laura Conaway wants to know if the following paragraph, from the New York Times, can be rescued.

Yet deep down in his soul, the transplant will hold on to the notion that umbrellas are to be used only as protection against the rain, which is wet and, when it drenches the clothes and skin, makes one uncomfortable.

What do you think, gang? I'll give you all a day to offer your suggestions in the comments section, then I'll have a bash. Although to perfectly honest I don't really know where to start.

Thanks to our twitter friend, Evolution London (a.k.a. Aliya), for the link.

Labels: commas, grammar, newspapers, twitter

posted by Gez at 10:23 pm

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5 Comments:

Unknown said...: "The deep umbrellas will hold on to the rain when it is wet and yet drenches the clothes. The notion against which skin transplant are only to be used as protection, makes one uncomfortable down in his soul and that."; 21 December 2007 at 10:29
Three Ninjas said...: Just replace the whole thing with a link to the Wikipedia article on rain.; 21 December 2007 at 16:48
Gez said...: Nice suggestion, Jason, I think that brings up a great conversation point on how blogging is changing writing. Who needs description and embellishment when you have links?; 21 December 2007 at 17:11
Three Ninjas said...: http://jeffthefish.com/gez.html; 21 December 2007 at 17:15
Gez said...: By the way, if none of you are going to take this seriously...

Actually I'm very happy for GrammarBlog to be a haven for linguistic subversives. Grammar guerillas, that's what I call you.; 21 December 2007 at 17:15