Sunday, 1 July 2007

Time gentlemen please

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Firstly, may I applaud everyone's contributions to this blog thus far. I have been very impressed by what I have seen. However, I have been disappointed by the anti Yorkshire bias which seems to be creeping into much of the writing on this blog. Clearly, this places me in something of a predicament. So I thought now was the opportunity to, quite literally, write (intentional pun) a few wrongs and call time on this rather unpleasant practice.

I thought the best way to do this would be to start with some good, clean, Lancashire bashing. Lancashire a county so fragmented and disparate that it really is rather tricky to know who makes up its constituent parts. Fair enough, the inhabitants of Cheshire and Merseyside have been successful in disassociated themselves from the county. But what's this? Even old Lancashire is having an identity crisis. In a sad attempt to rebrand itself, the 5 areas of Blackburn with Darwen, Burnley, Hyndburn, Pendle and Rossendale are coining the name 'Pennine Lancashire' (Those names really do send a shudder down the spine, Hyndburn? Why is Blackburn with Darwen as well? Surely Blackburn and Darwen would be better. Are the Darwenians happy to be riding on the bottom of Blackburn's coat tails. I got lost in Darwen once on the way to Ewood Park and I'm sure it's to large enough size to justify standing on it's own two feet?).You can read more about plans for "Pennine Lancashire" on but why anyone would want to elevate the land that time forgot is a mystery to me.

I knowingly digress. So back to the Lancashire baiting and as this is a grammar blog, I thought I should try and make a sustained attack on bad Red Rose prose. I sought solace on the Lancashire County Cricket Club website and found this gem on having the displeasure to "click here to enter LCCC website".

Lancashire captain Mark Chilton has insisted that there will be no let up in his side's drive to reach the twenty20 Cup quarter finals – despite their healthy position towards the top of the North Conference. The Red Rose host Derbyshire Phantoms tomorrow afternoon with fans and pundits alike trying to work out the intricacies of what will be needed to progress through to the knockout stage. Lancashire Lightning currently sit second with seven points – two behind leaders Nottinghamshire Outlaws. With quite a bit of heavy rain forecast over the next week, one more win and possibly a no result would surely see them home and hosed. But that kind of thinking does not interest Chilton – he wants three wins from three against the Phantoms, home and away, and then Leicestershire Foxes next Friday night.

Thanks for updating me on Mark Chilton's thoughts but please could I have commas after the tw*t's name so I can breath while reading this inane rubbish. Also, why the hell is there a f*cking dash at any given opportunity in this piece. Home and hosed? Home and hosed? Is this really the best this twit of an author can muster?

I look forward to grammatically stitching up Lancashire over the next few weeks.

Blogger Tom said...

Please read your posts carefully. Your basic errors make us all look bad, you moron.

1 July 2007 at 18:55  
Blogger Paul said...

I quite agree with Knowles. Incidentally, I didn't think it was the worst prose I've read. I thought the actual content was weak, borderline coma-inducing, but grammatically reasonable.

1 July 2007 at 19:02  
Blogger Gez said...

I tried to reply but ran out of space. Nothing for it but to write a dedicated post; I'm going to make an example of you, Gaskell!

1 July 2007 at 23:47  

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